feel like an emo hujan song ʅ(｡◔‸◔｡)ʃ

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★

  has it been a long time? i guess so. it's been several months. although a considerably long period of time has passed, my previous problems still plagues me. 

  at the start of the year, i was so enthusiastic when it comes to studying. up until a month-or-so ago, i was practically studying and sitting on my study desk all day long, for the whole week. i was surprisingly so focused on doing everything i can to maximise my retention of subjects. 

  obviously good things don't last. here i am, sitting on my bed at midnight, wondering where i went wrong. i guess my grind stopped when i got sick for more than a week that one time, and now i have completely lost my momentum. also perhaps because i tried changing my schedules a few times and i end up not sticking to a proper system at all. where did it go wrong, again? i am once again stuck in this cycle of self-pity and procrastination. 

  i guess you can say it went ultimately downhill when i applied for arts subject (friends slapping their knees and saying "i told you!" in my ear right now!), and i gradually learnt the actual gravity of the situation. i won't go deep into the details because it's unnecessary, but i can say that, guy, isn't it pressuring me. 

  to balance the huge mandatory project and studying for those obnoxious elective subjects, you can guess that i'm practically dead meat!! but i have a really stubborn habit of not explicitly complaining about anything seriously, because i believe in "i can do it, i just haven't pushed myself". and the problem is that it's actually true and i'm not overestimating myself. a lot of people out there with disabilities achieve better than me, so why can't i try just as hard? 

  today it's a pretty lengthy entry. hope you weren't getting bored. 

•*¨*•.¸¸☆*𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑